Just need to Vent...

Subject: Just need to Vent... Wed Jan 23, 2008 4:21 am

I really need to vent at the moment.

As some of you may know, my partner smokes weed. He dosnt do it all the time, he maybe spends £40 a month on it.

It dosnt affect his work, his standing as a parent, or his standing as a partner. He isnt addicted, he just likes to unwind with a joint now and then.

The problem is my mother in law. She hates him smoking it, the way she sees it it is as bad as any class A drug. I am constntly stuck in the middle of it.

She came home last night, and flipped. Shouting and screaming (bearing in mind he and my daughter were both in bed) about him and smoking it. She is on the verge of kicking him out - then again, I'm in the middle. If he goes, I go, and so does Paige.

I can see both sides of the argument. She dosnt understand it, she has never smoked it. To her, he is a druggie, and thats that.

I have no problem with him smoking it. As long as he still works, and takes care of me and my daughter, I dont care.

I can't talk to her about it, cos she is not open to any view but hers. I am fed up of getting caught in the middle, and I nearly lost my rag with her last night.

It is the common, 'I don't understand it, so its bad'.

grrrrrrrrrrr.

What would you do??

Much Love and Hugs

Mel
xxx

Subject: Re: Just need to Vent... Wed Jan 23, 2008 8:28 pm

*HUGS* Mel, I'm so sorry to hear this, hun.

It's her house? Unfortunately, if that's the case...eek...I don't know. I really hate to say this, but maybe your partner needs to not smoke it in the house or where she can see it. I know that it's inconvenient and annoying, but seeing as you're far less likely to change her views, it may be best to do what you can to level the situation out whilst you're all having to be there together. Refraining from exposing her to it may be a simple way to cut out SOME of the drama, at least. I hope I've got the situation right...if not, I apologize! But that's what I would suggest, babe. I'm sorry you're having to be stuck in the middle...it really isn't fair on you. *HUGS*

Subject: Re: Just need to Vent... Wed Jan 23, 2008 8:41 pm

Awww...HUGS...Mel,

I'm like you on this one...it certainly is unfair to you to be stuck in the middle...I have been in the middle and it sucks...I am sooooo sorry....

Also, like you, I would not care if he smoked or not...as long as he upheld his responsibilities to his family...ie..you and Paige.

But, like Jack...I would say that him smoking where she feels like it is "in her face"...knowing how she feels...and if it is her house...he needs to try to be understanding of her feelings...not that I am suggesting that he must quit...just maybe not in the house or in an area of the house where she is likely to be disturbed by it so much...

Not much help...I'm afraid....

But I really am sorry that you are having to be stuck with the negativity and frustration of both sides feeling that they have a right to feel that their feelings are more important than the others....or that is how I took it...If I am wrong...I apologise...

Subject: Re: Just need to Vent... Thu Jan 24, 2008 2:07 am

I really don't know what to say mel... except maybe rfom my own point of view.

I would approach her and explain that while you totally understand her position, she is often putting you and Paige in the middle, threatening both of your homes.

Perhaps ask that if she has an issue with your OH then she brings it up specifically with him rather than with you as well.

You are not his keeper and do not make his decisions for him - it's not fair that you get the 'punishment' for his choices.

Only my tuppence worth.