Understanding to what extent?

To what extent do you feel understood as a survivor of mental illness by your loved ones?

I feel I can answer this on a variety of levels.

My mother doesn't understand depression, OCD, paranoia, Bipolar or anything other than what she would class as physical illness. If it's in the brain, she doesn't acknowledge it - or if she does, the farthest she goes is 'pull your socks up'.

My husband, tries his hardest to be tolerant - but between he and I there is a huge age gap of 21 years and so occasionally he does end up replaying his old 'taught record' that sounds strikingly familiar to my mother. They are only a few years apart in age.

My gf however is so very understanding that it's heartbreakingly touching. She's the one that brings me drinks on a down day, makes sure I get out of bed and at least sit in the front room. She makes appointments with the docs if I'm going too low or high and generally sorts me out. I'd be lost without her. She is one year younger than me.

So, two questions arise from my blurb:

How are you understood at home?

Is there a noticeable difference between age and acceptance of mental illness?

As usual, I'm just being nosey

Dethas wrote:

To what extent do you feel understood as a survivor of mental illness by your loved ones?

My family doesn't understand at all. And they also just don't care to understand. It's that simple. Even me going for disability meant that they didn't ask if I'd be okay, they just said; 'you can pay rent with that money, right?'

Uh, parents? I need that money to pay for my shocking medical costs. Thanks.

Glen tries... but he doesn't really understand just how much of my personality is the disorder. It's not his fault, but it can drive me a bit crazy.

Most friends, except for one or two, are completely useless. Online folks have been the best so far. I've met a lot of people with serious mental disorders online, and we all have large levels of empathy for one another.

I'm not sure how much age has to do with it sometimes, since the people who have been most accepting and *knowing* of my disorder have been older women who either have had PTSD, or who have a husband who is a war vet who has it. PTSD in that sense does have greater understanding in some of the older generations, especially those who were a part of a war, or who knew friends who were.

But for my depression and anxiety? There are very few people in real life to whom I can turn. The ones I can, are almost all my age. And so far they have definitely been under 30.[/quote]

Firstly...*HUGS* To all of y'all...

Within my family, I have just about zero support and/or understanding.

If ANYONE in my immediate family cares...it would be my grandparents on my Mom's side. They still don't ask questions or (in my opinion) really comprehend the severity of things...but at least they do care if I'm alive or dead.

My Mom...*Sighs* She and I were very close all of my life until I hit puberty onwards. We were still close, but I started to (I guess) become more and more ill and with all that happened to me...and no, I never told her about that...I started to drift away from her. We still talked and I know that I went over there at least once a week. She never really got that things were bad with me until my first SA of '06 because she was the one who found me. After that, when they erroneously diagnosed me as BP I w/ psychotic features, she started to pull away. Although a lot of my 'psychoses' were visible, I never actually 'told' my doctors the whole shebang until later in '06. Then when I was diagnosed Schizoaffective, my Mom just cut me off.

When I told her about it...I had an honest and open conversation with her...I told her what I experienced, and how it affected me...she froze and then went hysterical. She can only think 'Schizophrenia' and nothing more...and for whatever reason she can't stand to be around me now. She never will talk to me...she will not answer my calls...if I do see her it's at my grandparents' house...and she hugs me and speaks a bit but is aloof and couldn't be more cold.

When I told my Dad...he just (not surprisingly) said that it was all BS and that there was no such thing. He doesn't believe that people are mentally ill period and really just believes that they're A) spoiled and lazy and have too much time on their hands to think B) possessed by demons or C) lying.

My brother supports me more than anyone else besides my grandparents...and that's a blessing because usually he is the most skeptical of all my relatives.

My exes were all very nonsupporting. At first they tried to be...but I suppose that (and not unfairly so) the stresses of being with someone like me just got to be too much...not to mention that they were all cheaters...but that's beside the point.

So...my current relationship is not this way and I am very lucky to have my partner support me and try very very hard to understand and educate herself about my illness in any way that she can. That's a real blessing.

My ex (the mother of my daughter) uses my illness against me at times and has basically turned her family against me because of it. They don't trust me and they often use this as leverage to keep my daughter away.

*Sighs* That's all. Sorry to write a novel.

Reading your replies makes me realise just how lucky I am.

My heart goes out to you all...

*group hug*

I had a very turbulent childhood. I've never been really close to anyone, except my grandmother growing up. Later on, I took over mothering my younger sisters as my mother was really able to do that properly. As long as food was on the table, the house clean and clean clothes available, that's all that mattered. She was emotionally abusive and physically distant. No male figure to speak of.

My family has learnt to accept each others odd bits. I have SAD with paranoic and depressi ve tendencies. One sister has OCD and the other did a stint with drugs through her teen years. She has emotional issues of her own to deal with, but no mental disorders.

My partner is wonderful. He tries to be as understanding as possible and accepts me as I am. Its just that he's a very typical male, in that he tries to *fix* things for me. He will make plans for me to do things and then be upset if I don't carry them out . He doesn't really understand that I can't just go and do something because its been planned. I have to do it in my time - and my time might be years later. I told him my SAD was starting again several months early this year. He was very supportive and understanding, but also annoyed because we'd 'discussed' my starting my medication early, checking out light boxes and looking up a specialist to visit while in Melbourne. I then told him of what I had set in motion and he seemed happy with that. Because I'm working each day, I can't just drop everything and pick up pills the next day. I'm working 5 days a week at present and it takes up my time from 7.30 til around 5.30-6pm most days. I just don't have the time to go and get stuff. He can, he has a car and can leave work during the day anytime he wants.

I've been having these overwhelming thoughts lately that my relationship is going to end. That he will just say he's had enough of me and I'm to leave. We talk this over every other month and it makes no difference, I just feel its going to happen. I just have to hang onto the idea that I 'know' in my heart we will be together in old age.

His mother thinks depression is just feeling a bit down and maybe if I go over to visit her and sought through books with her (she's blind) I will be better. She has no concept at all of what its like and no idea that when I'm in full swing, her ringing me every day to see how I am, actually makes things worse! I end up leaving the phone of the hook all day. If it rings and I dont' answer it, then I get anxiety over who it might be and should I answer it or not. I'm unable to make a decision at those times, so to keep the anxiety away, I just leave it off the hook. It never rings and I don't worry about it. People will say, "gee, I'd be worried about who might be trying to call me then". They don't get that I'm actually relieved that people can't! lol

I cope by being strong, even in my weakest moments. And there's a part of me who thinks I deserve this, to have people annoyed with me and not understand fully. Nobody can understand unless they've been there. My partner used to get quite deep depressions himself, but since we've been together he hasn't had any. I think its having someone to share his life and to care for that did it for him. It was more an emotional thing, whereas with me its biological. I have this thing for life nothing much I can do about that except deal with it.